Author Archives: Barrybloke
Whilst waiting for my wife, who was trying on clothing in Barsley’s department store in Paddock Wood, I heard a little girl, about nine years old addressing her mother. The conversation proceeded thus: “Mummy, may I go and look at the swimming costumes?” “Yes, dear.” Little girl walked past me to view the items which […]
John describing Samantha’s breakfast habits “She eats this mixture of yoghurt and birdseed. It then sets like concrete around the bowl because Sam’s idea of putting it to soak is to leave it in the bottom of the sink, where I find it hours later. It’s so hard that it’s liable to take the pattern […]
I have noticed what could well be seen as parents at a nearby house being very mean to their children this Yuletide. Many people who have a garden pond with fish will place a plastic heron beside the pond in the hope of warning off over-flying herons, who will think the pitch is already taken […]
Watching the BBC presentation of the European Grand Prix at Valencia I was amused by the following incident. Before the start Martin Brundle was doing his usual walk up and down the grid, looking for likely candidates to interview, followed, of course by a long-suffering cameraman. He had seen several of the usual suspects including […]
When I was in our local chemist shop I saw two handwritten notices, displayed either side of the prescription counter. “PLEASE BARE WITH US IN THIS TIME OF STAFF SHORTAGE”, they requested. I obtained my medicine and asked the middle-aged lady who served me to please come round to the front of the counter. “Look,” […]
A fastidious lady named Susie, Enjoying an early jacuzzi, Was surprised in the bath By a swine called McGrath, Who ogled her through the jalousie. The covering of her confusion, Was effected, to his disillusion, Then she hurled a back-scrubber At the impudent lubber, And brought up a mighty contusion! He yelled and he shouted […]
There was a young vicar from Salisbury Whose habits were quite halisbury-scalisbury He wandered round Hampshire Without any pampshire ‘til his Bishop compelled him to walisbury Note: This can be deciphered by using the old name for ‘Salisbury’ and the contraction of ‘Hampshire’.
To his bride, said the lynx-eyed detective, “Could it be that my eyesight’s defective? Has your east tit, the least bit, The best of your west tit, Or is it a trick of perspective?”
or Who Would Want My Job? Invented by human beings for their own purposes I have a variety of names, among them God, the Almighty, Creator, Father, Jehovah and many more. It all becomes quite confusing, having to listen out for so many names when those down below are listing their requirements, which, I can […]
My wife and I went to the local DIY shop and bought a bird table for the garden. It came in a large cardboard box which bore the legend ‘self assembly’. When I got it home I took it to the garage and laid out all the component parts on my bench. I was then […]