It is July 17th 2003 and I am very frustrated! I have just had a report from the site search engine to the effect that someone visited my site and used the search term “smokey funnel”.
“Smokey” Funnel was a corporal in Support Company, Mortar Platoon if my memory serves me well. I certainly know he was a very popular N.C.O., and very much “one of the lads”. I have only one specific memory which involves him and I sincerely hope whoever made this search will return to the site.
The Battalion was preparing for a very important parade, but I cannot remember the details. What I do remember is that we were all busy for weeks before, preparing our kit and clothing. This entailed pressing our Best Battledress, blancoing belt and gaiters, polishing brasses and cap badge and drawing our personal weapon from the armoury in order to bring this up to the required state of “bull!
However, the equipment which kept us all busy for the greatest time was Best Boots. These had to be brought to a state of shine, which could only be achieved by the process of “spit and polish”, with which I have dealt at length in an earlier chapter. Anyway, Smokey decided that this condition could be attained in a less arduous way and accordingly procured a tin of varnish, which he lovingly applied to the toecaps of his boots, on the evening before the parade! We all had to admit that they looked splendid, although no-one else felt brave enough to follow his example.
Came the morning of the parade and the whole battalion was drawn up on the square. Prior to the arrival of the inspecting officer, probably a General of some description, the company commanders conducted a preliminary inspection of their charges. Our platoon commander; the company-sergeant-major, WO11 Webb; and the company commander, Major “Nod” Ormerod marched up and down the ranks, casting critical eyes over the gleaming turn-out. Suddenly I heard a roar from Nod! “Corporal Funnel!” he bellowed, “What the hell have you done to your boots?”
The footwear which had looked so magnificent in the artificial lighting of the barrack room, were now subjected to the glare of the sun, in which they glowed a rich, deep, dark RED! Apart from the worthy Major nearly suffering a coronary I cannot remember what happened next. I am sure the boots did not take any further part in the parade, but as for our gallant corporal, I don’t know!
If the person who made the search visits the site again and reads this story, perhaps he will contact me. If it is the man himself I would be delighted to make contact.