Due, no doubt to his observation of our performance on the square, the Adjutant decided that the standard of drill of Support Company was below par. He therefore conceived the brilliant notion of holding a drill competition between the four platoons of which the company was comprised. Accordingly, over the next few weeks our Platoon Commanders and Platoon N.C.O.s put us through our paces with all manner of drill movements; marching up and down, turning, wheeling, halting and quick- and slow-marching. We also had to practice our skills with rifle drill; slope-arms, order-arms, present-arms and the curious ritual of “fix bayonets”. (“On the command “fix” yer don’t fix! On the command “bayonets” yer whip ’em out and slap ’em on!”) We all thought that we had done quite well, and all four platoons were ready for, if not exactly eagerly anticipating the competition!
Came the big day and the company paraded in 2nd best battledress with rifles and bayonets. We had been warned from the beginning that the individual platoons were to be commanded on the parade ground by the Adjutant himself. He elected to take us, Mortar Platoon first.
We marched onto the square and carried out several drill manoeuvres, to the apparent satisfaction of Captain Fennel. We now found ourselves marching on a broad front, i.e. in three ranks rather than three columns. Then came the warning, “Platoon will incline to the right” – two paces of total bewilderment and panic! “What did he say?” “Incline to the right, what the fuck’s that?” “Never ‘eard of it”. Then, “Right incline!” We didn’t have any idea what this meant and what followed was like something out of the Keystone Cops! Some turned right, some just stopped, some kept on marching, some made some sort of attempt at a forty-five degree deviation and some just gazed around in perplexity. The platoon now covered an area of about three times the original! This was bad!
“Get off my parade ground, you bloody shower!” roared the irate Captain. “I’ve never seen such a bloody shambles! Call yourselves soldiers? I’ll have you drilling all bloody night! At the double, get out of my bloody sight!”
I don’t remember which platoon won the drill competition. It wasn’t us!